Called to Witness

Clergy want to tell their stories

By Don Hurst

I trained eleven Called To Witness persons to contact and connect with our General and Jurisdictional Conference Delegates and Alternates.  The training went well and they all made their assigned contacts.  I also made some contacts.  What surprised me in making my contacts was the great need which clergy in particular had to tell their own stories. Some of the clergy stories were so good that we asked them to share them at our monthly Grace For All Gatherings.  There was hardly a dry eye among those who heard their amazing stories.  Their stories surprised us all.   I was also surprised to learn from the lay delegates how surprised they were that our UM Churches are often insensitive, inconsiderate, denying and non-supportive to gays and lesbians, their families, friends and partners. So I was surprised by both the stories and the ignorance. Fortunately, we were able to provide a venue to learn together from sharing this information at our monthly gatherings.

Nervous at first

by Jim Lane

“I was nervous about meeting with my delegate, but as soon as I began to tell my story my fears subsided.  I found great strength in telling my story, and the delegate I met with was very receptive.  He listed carefully, shared his viewpoints based on his training and understanding of scripture respectfully, and pledged to work for an inclusive UMC where no one would feel inhospitality.  He stated, “I think God wants us all at the table.”   Obviously, that was a point I whole-heartedly agreed with as a CTW volunteer.  I would encourage anyone who seeks an inclusive UMC to get involved in this effort.”

“As a leader of the CTW effort in SC, our volunteers reported a range of experiences when meeting with delegates.  We experienced everything from the delegate never responding to any communication from a CTW volunteer to wonderful, uplifting conversations.  My opinion is that if anyone going to General Conference was made to question their position on unfair policies toward the GLBT community, or if we got only one person to affirm our (CTW volunteers’) positions on the policies of the UMC, then all our collective efforts were worthwhile.”

Washington St UMC, Columbia SC

Persistence and connection

By Julie Arms

The most important things about CTW are persistence and connection.  I found my delegates to be extremely hard to pin down to meet, yet when we finally spoke, they were extremely open and honest about their views and how they came to them, and in general, receptive to the conversation even if of opposing views.  Stay in touch – via note, speak to them whenever and where ever you see them; remind them of your presence.

Make the connection – it may not be “your delegate” that you spoke to – it might be another or a wife who is receptive or a Jurisdictional delegate or even a random member of another church.  While at GC, I started a friendship with one of our delegates.  From him I gained insight on other delegates, gotten to know him better personally, and even heard that he called me courageous for speaking out on inclusion when he was having an interview with a candidate for ordination! I spoke to a woman in the building next door after GC about what I had done while there.  We’ve had a number of conversations – her son is gay – her pastor was a delegate.  Two weeks ago she told me she’d gone to her pastor and told him that the Church’s stance & decisions made at General Conference have made her son not only feel rejected by the UMC but by Jesus and God as well.  Her pastor was stunned to hear that – he had no idea that was the message being received by his own stance & that of the votes he cast.  Today I was asked by clergy (not currently in a pulpit position) to help him with a project that he is working on to attract people back to the Church that have been hurt by the Church, either directly or via words from the pulpit.  Again, this came about because of CTW.  Don’t ever underestimate how far our stories can reach and the effect they can have on others.

Julie Arms, North Georgia

Good preparation paid off

By Dick Guldi

For my delegate meeting, good preparation paid off. Following suggestions from the CTW team, I rehearsed my stories until honed to just over 2 minutes, practiced with the RMN community and with my wife to get feedback and make improvements, and thought a lot about how to phrase the stories for maximum impact on my delegate.

Although I knew my delegate ahead of time, I researched the issues he was likely to be interested in by talking with other people who know him in different contexts. For example, my delegate is African American,  and I am white. My wife surmised that he might have a thought that advancing the interests of gay people would be one more example of putting African American people behind everyone else.  He, in fact, alluded to this, so I specifically asked him if he thought this. He answered that he did. It came to me in this discussion to say that when one group is denigrated, all groups are oppressed, and that all of us need to work together supporting each other’s interests. This led him to mention that RMN appears to African Americans as another predominantly white organization, an input I fed back to our leadership team, and now we have actions to address this. I also asked for his help in identifying minority persons sympathetic to our cause enough to join us, and said that I would personally take responsibility to invite them to our meetings and makes sure they are fully included. I was delighted to tell my delegate that his suggestions had been internalized at the top planning levels of RMN, and he appeared pleased.

I was prepared to answer the question of what I would specifically like to see changed in the Discipline. I kept the answer simple, saying that I wanted for us to eliminate the incompatibility clause in Paragraph 161G that says the practice of homosexuality is contrary to Methodist teaching and I wanted to change the wording that was used by the Judicial Council in Decision 1032 to allow ministers to reject homosexuals from church membership. I said that there were other issues that needed to be changed but didn’t dwell on them, thinking that my message needed to be brief and our other visions would follow from that.

Overall, I was surprised and pleased that my delegate was already sympathetic to my position, but he needed to talk about his feelings to better sort out what he really believed and what he feared in the back of his mind. When he expressed a fear, I repeated it back in the manner of active listening so he could come to grips with whether he really believed that. Simply listening to what someone says and repeating it back without judgment or arguments is a wonderful technique for helping people get past lingering prejudices and doubts. I was thrilled to see how well this worked, not only in this meeting but in others since then.

The delegate meeting was an invigorating experience for me. It felt wonderful to be part of a well organized group striving for human dignity in a cause that will ultimately prevail.  Being a CTW volunteer is an opportunity of a lifetime.

Relationship-building takes time

By Rev. Laurie Hays Coffman

Tiffany told us that this was not a one-time deal, that it was relationship-building and would take time.  She told us that it was not a debate to win, not a point to prove, not even a convert to brag about.  She said that we were building trust as listeners who come to learn of the other's perspective and not just to convince them to take up OUR cause. She said not to assume that we already knew both their position and the reasons for it. She said this is relational work.

But still my presumptions persisted.  I dreaded the work of trying to get my folks to let go of their old tired theological stance and adopt my more progressive one.  I felt like a door-to-door salesman when I pondered the work before me. I don't like door-to-door salesmen.  I'll never be one.

The gentle nudges kept coming.  Tiffany persevered in asking how it was going. Had we made the first contact yet. No. Had we spoken face-to-face. No. Could we report on how the delegates responded. No. I do believe in the cause of full inclusion in the church as a justice issue.  I talk about it all the time, to practically anyone who is willing to engage with me. I even confronted my entire GC'08 delegation for their failure to stand in solidarity with the outcasts on the last Thursday in Fort Worth.  But trying to work upstream with my busy district superintendent and the obviously overwhelmed assistant to the bishop.... Just asking for an appointment on their frantic schedule seemed daunting.

After numerous nudges from tenacious Tiffany, I found the opportunity.  One was "running for bishop" and the other probably will someday soon. As a Reconciling United Methodist, I hold some key bits of information. They needed ME, I determined, in order to connect with the rest of the church!

Finally, after assuming like I would probably be dragging them forward with their heels dug in, I relented and risked calling.  This time I was offering myself as a support person to help "hear another to his own truth."  I volunteered to listen to the ways this moderate and Godly man, seeking the opportunity to serve in the episcopacy, would be telling his story and answering the questions. 

He was grateful for my service, believing that I, the outspoken progressive, did indeed have much to offer his candidacy.  We met for breakfast in his city and I learned his tender heart and wise mind held much more acceptance than I would have imagined.  I realized that his words had been few regarding LGBTQ matters in the church because he was ... afraid.  Anxious conservatives hold a deathgrip on many people in our church, I believe.  They threaten to boycott, banish, leave, defund, overturn, and otherwise upset the UMC if anyone in power frightens their fundamental stability.  My CTW partner needed not to trigger their anxiety and wrath. I could help.

Together we crafted verbiage that helped him to sidestep booby traps while maintaining integrity.  He found ways to speak authentically of his compassion and desire for just treatment of all -- without sounding too leftist.  We pondered "a third way" of being Christian when challengers from right and left demanded to know if he was "with us or ag'in' us."  I believe that it was my call to help him claim the fullness of his Christian experience and not have to shelve some parts in order to be electable.

That breakfast meeting got truncated by other appointments, but he eagerly asked for another opportunity to continue our conversation.  So we met again at his request.  And the Spirit gave birth to freedom and new insights for both of us!

At the Jurisdictional Conference, my Called to Witness conversation partner thanked me repeatedly for the compassionate counsel I gave as he was able to think through many past and prospective dilemmas that snag moderates.  He promised that, regardless of the outcome of that election, we would continue to be in dialogue. 

It seemed good to the Spirit and the Jurisdiction to make him an episcopal leader for the UMC. Thanks be to God for the surprising fullness of truth able to thrive in non-anxious relationships. And thanks to Tiffany&Team for pushing us to trust the process, the Spirit, ourselves.  Respectful relationships afford us abundance of wisdom and shape us in the image of God.